Blog Post Five
Love
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. The designated day of love. The commercialism of this day has caused many of us stress since the first day we celebrated it – decorating a shoe box with wrapping paper, filling out mass produced Valentine’s chocolates for each classmate, hoping that you too receive a sweet from everyone. It only became more stressful as I got older, as my school had a tradition of allowing students to purchase carnations and then a designated “mailman” would hand deliver them to the recipients during regular class hours. OMG the pressure! Every year, I begged my mom for money to buy a carnation for every single one of my friends, and then anxiously hoped that I received one from my crush(-es, let’s be real) of the moment. However, post adolescence, Valentine’s day actually improved because the pressure of having a date was relieved, as we made it a designated Girl’s Night Out. I wrote a post the other week about the importance of girlfriends, and Valentine’s is just another example of the importance of your girl tribe. I had a community that made me feel loved on a day that sadly can leave many feeling the opposite.
When I met my husband, I was at a point in my life where things seemed to be falling into place. I was living in my dream city, Denver, in a fantastic apartment, I loved my job, I had my first furry companion who brought me so much joy, and I was curating a hand-picked family with new friends who introduced me to activities like skiing, hiking, camping and running. Looking back, I believe this is what helped me be ready to receive love.
Chris and I were a work romance – which some may roll their eyes out, but if you think about it, it’s where you spend probably 80% of your life. It is a very sensible place to meet your partner; however, I don’t recommend working with your partner long-term. When I made the decision to leave my job and move to Canada to live with Chris, we noticed a huge shift in our conversations. No longer were we our conversations consumed about work, but rather we focused on learning about each other.
The next two years of living in Canada, we put the work into our relationship. I developed friendships with Chris’ kids and family. Chris supported me as I navigated through the immigration system. His family got to know my family through Thanksgiving trips home to Houston and regular visits to Calgary from my parents. We made frequent trips to the US to see my friends, providing assurance to those closest to me that I hadn’t lost my mind by packing up everything and moving to a new country for some rando. They saw that I was not only happy, but confident in my own skin. All of this to say, it wasn’t smooth sailing across the two years. There were bumps, no doubt, but we learned how to navigate the rough waters together and proved that we were compatible.
We recently celebrated 5 years of marriage and we are more in sync now than ever. There are some obvious reasons why a relationship works and why it doesn’t, but I recently listened to a podcast that featured a relationship expert, Paul Brunson, where he laid out in very simple terms how to find and maintain a healthy relationship. The podcast was Diary of a CEO featuring Paul Brunson, I will link it here: Diary of a CEO with Paul Brunson I found it so interesting that I listened to it multiple times! I highly recommend taking a listen, but here was a take away that resonated with me:
There are 5 key characteristics to what you need for love:
1. You need someone who is emotionally fit: You want to find a partner who is emotionally stable and intelligent because it means that when you go through a high or low, your partner shows up as the same person he/she always is. Why is this important? Because life is FULL of highs and lows. Tough times and great times. Life and death – and through it all a partner who is emotionally fit will remain steady in how he/she shows up for you in those moments.
2. You need someone who has courageous vision: I loved how Paul explained this trait. Paul stated that if you are not on the path towards something, you are stuck on the path of mediocracy. And mediocracy typically means you aren’t growing. He went on to make a pretty bold statement that “if your relationship isn’t growing, it’s dying.” So find someone who wants the best for their life (just like you) and wants to put the work in (just like you) because it no one should settle for mediocre.
3. You need someone who is resiliently resourceful: When life gives you lemons, you want someone who can make lemonade. We don’t find success 100% of the time, but failure at something is an indicator that you tried and if you want to find success you have to know how to bounce back. Look for someone who shares this trait with you so that you can feel confident that yall can tackle anything that comes your way!
4. You need someone who is open minded: You want someone to value curiosity and you want to be curious about them. You want to learn and know everything about them, even the not so pretty parts because sharing your life with someone will open you up to a much more colorful and beautiful life than not.
5. You need someone who gives you compassionate support: When you fall, your partner will be there to help you get back up.
Here’s the good news: if you are reading this and thinking “crap, we definitely don’t have all 5 of these traits!” You and your partner don’t have to test highly in all categories, you just need to be on the pathway to realizing them (i.e. you need to care). If you and your significant other care, then you have someone that can resolve conflict with you. If you can resolve conflict, you can get through anything.
Finding a partner should be a priority, just like the priority you may place on your career. Studies show that sharing your life with someone who compliments you, strengthens you, and supports you, will allow you live longer. Why should this be a priority? Because just like Paul Brunson says on the podcast, when you are on your deathbed, you are not going to reminisce about your career accomplishments, you are going to reminisce about your life with those who you loved and loved you back.
I hope everyone had a Valentine’s day that made them feel loved, and if you didn’t, maybe this post and podcast will help you jumpstart finding your perfect match. Happy Dating.
Xx,
Leigh
